This week The Onion declared war on Mark Zuckerberg, and in true Mark Zuckerberg fashion, he unfriended The Onion.
"I feel The Onion isn't very funny anymore. The Anti-semantic news site will be blocked on Facebook. They picked the wrong guy to bully. I will not be bullied." Mark Zuckerberg told his wife this morning. She just rolled her eyes and continued reading the latest article making fun of her husband.
The Onion could not be reached for comment because they haven't paid their phone bill in months.
Saturday, June 16, 2018
China to Limit Tariffs to One Per Family
China plans on a new round of tariffs that will give each family one tariff.
"We feel this makes good economic sense." a Chinese official told reporters. "This policy is very similar to other oppressive things we did in the past."
The Chinese government is responding to the United States call for tariffs.
"We feel this makes good economic sense." a Chinese official told reporters. "This policy is very similar to other oppressive things we did in the past."
The Chinese government is responding to the United States call for tariffs.
Jeff Sessions Hiding in Corner
Jeff Sessions quotes Bible and then cowers in the corner for fear God might hit him with a lightning bolt.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions quoted the passage with the hopes of appealing the fringe group of voters that like taking things out of context.
"Seperation is good." the often quoted Sessions told reporters.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions quoted the passage with the hopes of appealing the fringe group of voters that like taking things out of context.
"Seperation is good." the often quoted Sessions told reporters.
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
God Wants Jesse Duplantis Riding First Class
New York-NY--God wants Rev. Jess Duplantis to have a private jet, and that is no lie because God never lies.
The good Rev. Jess Duplantis took to the airwaves to spread the joy of God's salvation and blessings but asked his followers to help God meet the financial needs of purchasing a private jet.
"Imagine the power of God shining on me when I show up in the ultra-private jet. The people will be in awe of this great jet. Then I will have their attention and respect." The good reverend said to the oil painting of Jesus in his office. "Jesus, hear my prayers. I need this jet so I can do things that glorify You."
The jet might seem extravagant to the rest of the world that has never flown on a private jet, but to a rich man, and a blessed man, the jet is necessary for all the private missions he makes to undeveloped countries that don't have airports.
This is a spoof story. Read at your own risk. Please leave a comment.
The good Rev. Jess Duplantis took to the airwaves to spread the joy of God's salvation and blessings but asked his followers to help God meet the financial needs of purchasing a private jet.
"Imagine the power of God shining on me when I show up in the ultra-private jet. The people will be in awe of this great jet. Then I will have their attention and respect." The good reverend said to the oil painting of Jesus in his office. "Jesus, hear my prayers. I need this jet so I can do things that glorify You."
The jet might seem extravagant to the rest of the world that has never flown on a private jet, but to a rich man, and a blessed man, the jet is necessary for all the private missions he makes to undeveloped countries that don't have airports.
This is a spoof story. Read at your own risk. Please leave a comment.
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
NFL Gets Tough, Maybe
New York, NY--The NFL ruled today that all players will stand for the national anthem unless they get a doctors excuse.
The owners feel that is their right to do so because they feel they need to show the players whose in charge. They can't afford the embarrassment of free speech getting in the way of a poorly refereed game and an overpaid commissioner fumbling every public appearance he makes.
"We feel it is important to show respect. It isn't like these players will even remember this in ten years," an NFL spokesman told reporters.
The owners feel that is their right to do so because they feel they need to show the players whose in charge. They can't afford the embarrassment of free speech getting in the way of a poorly refereed game and an overpaid commissioner fumbling every public appearance he makes.
"We feel it is important to show respect. It isn't like these players will even remember this in ten years," an NFL spokesman told reporters.
Monday, May 21, 2018
Sorry We Missed the Royal Wedding
Dear Reader:
This site would like to offer a sincere apology for not covering the royal wedding. Our editors would like to remind you that there are more important events occurring in our country and around the world that require our attention.
We do not want to downplay the importance of a Hollywood actress getting married for the second time to a man that will never be king. It is important that we take their vows with all seriousness. Yes, every rival media outlet wanted to make sure you had the opportunity to waste your day by watching a wedding ceremony.
The mainstream media didn't want to distract you with news about another school shooting. They wanted to take a Saturday off and pay tribute to an antiquated system of government that is about as relevant and important as a sloth scratching its belly on live tv.
We don't regret our choices, but we do wish you a fond day.
Thank you!
Editorial Staff of The Daily Town Fool
This site would like to offer a sincere apology for not covering the royal wedding. Our editors would like to remind you that there are more important events occurring in our country and around the world that require our attention.
We do not want to downplay the importance of a Hollywood actress getting married for the second time to a man that will never be king. It is important that we take their vows with all seriousness. Yes, every rival media outlet wanted to make sure you had the opportunity to waste your day by watching a wedding ceremony.
The mainstream media didn't want to distract you with news about another school shooting. They wanted to take a Saturday off and pay tribute to an antiquated system of government that is about as relevant and important as a sloth scratching its belly on live tv.
We don't regret our choices, but we do wish you a fond day.
Thank you!
Editorial Staff of The Daily Town Fool
Thursday, January 18, 2018
Fake News Site Doesn't Win Acknowledgement from Trump
President Trump handed out awards for fake news stories he found award-winning. To the shock of the writer of this site, no award for this site. I can assure you that the fake news stories found on this site are award winning. I feel sad for the president for not seeing the beauty of a truly fake news stories. His list is laughable and maybe that is why Trump is Trump.
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