Great Scott Takes Money in the Dark

Honestpolitician, WI...Governor Scott Walker likes to take political contributions in the dark. He prefers not to see the large amounts of money, sometimes illegal money because that way he can feel good about the money he accepts.

The part-time governor of Wisconsin is quick to point out that he was an Eagle Scout and that his father was a pastor, so he must be a good guy when it comes to being a politician.

“I lean on the values my father taught me, you know those skills he learned as a pastor. That main skill is lean on the poor because they are the most willing to give up their money.” The governor told a group of supporters.

It isn’t clear if Scott Walker knows that just because he can’t see the money that the dirty money isn’t his problem since he accepted it. Maybe that is a soft skill Scott Walker didn’t learn because he never had to work in the real world.

Canadian Trying Running for President of United States

(Teapartypolitics--USA) It seems the birthers have gone home to roost, because Ted Cruz is here to save the day, fresh of the boat from Canada--it just arrived in Texas, you see. We have a white Canadian running for president, so the birthers can sleep easier knowing this man loves America.

Yes, you read it right, this Canadian born male is running for president of the United States. He probably won't answer questions about his birth certificate, because he believes Canada is part of the liberal part of the United States because it has socialized healthcare for its citizens.

Ted Cruz claims to be related Victor Cruz and Penelope Cruz, but doesn't like to brag.

"I am running for president because I feel it is important for us to make the United States strong again. We need someone like me, you know, tough on immigration, tough on crime, tough on the budget, and someone the founding fathers didn't want in the White House." Senator Cruz told a bunch of reporters.

Cruz went on to say that if the citizens of this great country are willing to elect him president that the country will be free of the burden of health care and people that like to get things done. He agrees the American public loves a man that doesn't do anything except yell.

Greedy Elephants Sick of Working for Peanuts

Circuslife, SW--Elephants are getting sick of working for peanuts. They are looking for the bigger pie in the sky, so to say. They are looking for pistachios and maybe a some good leafy greens to eat.

This heated labor dispute spelt the end of elephants in the circus and probably lead to one of the most notorious abuses of labor on the workforce.

It seems the demands of these elephants is just too much for Ringling Brothers Circus, so they plan on eliminating them from their show.

"It saddens us to say that theses elephants will no longer be part of  our show. There is a great tradition of elephants being part of the circus that dates back to the inception of the circus, but it is a new millennium and the elephants really are just a limited act that bores the new generation of children hoping for more entertainment.  An elephant walking around in a circle just isn't entertaining these days," a spokesman for the circus told reporters.

The elephants did not care to make a statement at this time. They were too busy working on their resumes and filling out applications to get their GEDs.