This week The Onion declared war on Mark Zuckerberg, and in true Mark Zuckerberg fashion, he unfriended The Onion.
"I feel The Onion isn't very funny anymore. The Anti-semantic news site will be blocked on Facebook. They picked the wrong guy to bully. I will not be bullied." Mark Zuckerberg told his wife this morning. She just rolled her eyes and continued reading the latest article making fun of her husband.
The Onion could not be reached for comment because they haven't paid their phone bill in months.
Saturday, June 16, 2018
China to Limit Tariffs to One Per Family
China plans on a new round of tariffs that will give each family one tariff.
"We feel this makes good economic sense." a Chinese official told reporters. "This policy is very similar to other oppressive things we did in the past."
The Chinese government is responding to the United States call for tariffs.
"We feel this makes good economic sense." a Chinese official told reporters. "This policy is very similar to other oppressive things we did in the past."
The Chinese government is responding to the United States call for tariffs.
Jeff Sessions Hiding in Corner
Jeff Sessions quotes Bible and then cowers in the corner for fear God might hit him with a lightning bolt.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions quoted the passage with the hopes of appealing the fringe group of voters that like taking things out of context.
"Seperation is good." the often quoted Sessions told reporters.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions quoted the passage with the hopes of appealing the fringe group of voters that like taking things out of context.
"Seperation is good." the often quoted Sessions told reporters.
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
God Wants Jesse Duplantis Riding First Class
New York-NY--God wants Rev. Jess Duplantis to have a private jet, and that is no lie because God never lies.
The good Rev. Jess Duplantis took to the airwaves to spread the joy of God's salvation and blessings but asked his followers to help God meet the financial needs of purchasing a private jet.
"Imagine the power of God shining on me when I show up in the ultra-private jet. The people will be in awe of this great jet. Then I will have their attention and respect." The good reverend said to the oil painting of Jesus in his office. "Jesus, hear my prayers. I need this jet so I can do things that glorify You."
The jet might seem extravagant to the rest of the world that has never flown on a private jet, but to a rich man, and a blessed man, the jet is necessary for all the private missions he makes to undeveloped countries that don't have airports.
This is a spoof story. Read at your own risk. Please leave a comment.
The good Rev. Jess Duplantis took to the airwaves to spread the joy of God's salvation and blessings but asked his followers to help God meet the financial needs of purchasing a private jet.
"Imagine the power of God shining on me when I show up in the ultra-private jet. The people will be in awe of this great jet. Then I will have their attention and respect." The good reverend said to the oil painting of Jesus in his office. "Jesus, hear my prayers. I need this jet so I can do things that glorify You."
The jet might seem extravagant to the rest of the world that has never flown on a private jet, but to a rich man, and a blessed man, the jet is necessary for all the private missions he makes to undeveloped countries that don't have airports.
This is a spoof story. Read at your own risk. Please leave a comment.
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