Taxpayers Brace Themselves for Tax Break Postcards from GOP

New York, NY--Millions of taxpayers are bracing themselves for the eventual day they receive their tax break postcard in the mail. Congress hasn't decided if they want to go with a glossy or matte finish for the postcards, but they hope to have them in the mail by Christmas. These postcards are more an of a symbolic gesture so the taxpayers can have something to remind them that they still need to pay a lot on their taxes.

Climate Change Still Has Hurt Feelings About 2018

New York, NY--Climate Change is still shy about what it did this year and claims its feelings are hurt by all the accusations that it is telling weather patterns what to do or that they even control weather patterns. It is clear that Climate Change doesn't feel any responsibility for this year's natural disasters.  "The earth has always been unpredictable and that isn't our fault. All we are doing is warming the place up a little bit. Who doesn't like warmer temperatures?" Climate Change told reporters. "We can't make it rain harder or rain more, and there are way more people that don't believe that I exist than believe I am responsible for the weather, so please be more sensitive to my feeling next time you want to blame me for every heavy rain that comes your way," Climate Change added, as it left the room.

Officials Hand Ohio Championship

Indianapolis, IN--Officials can make some really bad calls, and they can stop momentum with a call or noncall. In a championship game, they don't want to make the call that causes fans to call foul. The Badgers were driving late in the game and officials decided it was time to call holding on one team and not holding on the other team. The Badgers got flagged for holding, and the call holding call should have been wiped out by the no-call on Ohio State for pass interference. Ohio State's Kendel assaulted  Danny Davis III on the same play. "We only saw a hold on the Badgers and we weren't watching the receivers because we wanted to let the players play the way they saw fit. How were we to know that people were going to be mad at us for not calling pass interference? I'm not really sure we got the holding call right on that play," an anonymous field judge told reporters after the game. The Badgers did have their chances but seemed to never regain their confidence after the holding call. The appeared to make the Badgers offensive line gunshy when it came to blocking and allowed Ohio State's defense the chance to cheat its way to a cheap win on the backs of onesided officiating when the game really mattered and officials wanted to make sure they covered the points in Vegas.