Oliver North Caught Arming Deer

It didn't take long for Oliver North to revert to bad habits. He was caught selling arms to the deer heard in Wyoming.

It isn't clear if he will face any backlash from this incident, but it is clear that he was doing it to create revenue for the almost bankrupt NRA. 

"I did what I thought would help the NRA. History shows I can do anything I want to do." North told Fake News. 

Oliver North did deny that he is working with the Russians to arm feral cats.

Bears Trade Away Future

Chicago, IL--The Chicago Bears traded away their future on a pass rusher that hasn't played all preseason.

The Bears traded away 2019 and 2020 first round picks to the Raiders for Khalil Mack.

"What a great idea," a hysterical Bears' fan told reporters. "What the hell were they thinking? Our team isn't that good that they can afford to lose first round picks."

Many Bears fans were noticeably shocked and found playing in traffic.

The Bears play the Packers on September 9th so Bears fans will get their first look at Mack.

Iran Spreading Lies on Facebook

Iran refuses to allow Russia to have all the fun on Facebook, so they upped their game and started spreading fake stories on the popular social media website.

The Iranians weren't aware the Facebook would narc them out for failing to verify their Russian sources when posting things to their fake accounts.

Iran is just trying to misinform the whole world with misinformation because they are trying to brand their country as a great vacation place.

The Iranian government really didn't want to comment on the fake accounts and pages but wanted to focus on the wonderful torture parks they are opening.

Facebook is taking the opportunity to pat themselves on the back for the job they should have been doing the whole time.

Angry Zuckerberg Unfriends The Onion

This week The Onion declared war on Mark Zuckerberg, and in true Mark Zuckerberg fashion, he unfriended The Onion.

"I feel The Onion isn't very funny anymore. The Anti-semantic news site will be blocked on Facebook. They picked the wrong guy to bully. I will not be bullied." Mark Zuckerberg told his wife this morning. She just rolled her eyes and continued reading the latest article making fun of her husband.

The Onion could not be reached for comment because they haven't paid their phone bill in months.

China to Limit Tariffs to One Per Family

China plans on a new round of tariffs that will give each family one tariff.

"We feel this makes good economic sense." a Chinese official told reporters. "This policy is very similar to other oppressive things we did in the past."

The Chinese government is responding to the United States call for tariffs.

Jeff Sessions Hiding in Corner

Jeff Sessions quotes Bible and then cowers in the corner for fear God might hit him with a lightning bolt.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions quoted the passage with the hopes of appealing the fringe group of voters that like taking things out of context.

"Seperation is good." the often quoted Sessions told reporters.

God Wants Jesse Duplantis Riding First Class

New York-NY--God wants Rev. Jess Duplantis to have a private jet, and that is no lie because God never lies.

The good Rev. Jess Duplantis took to the airwaves to spread the joy of God's salvation and blessings but asked his followers to help God meet the financial needs of purchasing a private jet.

"Imagine the power of God shining on me when I show up in the ultra-private jet. The people will be in awe of this great jet. Then I will have their attention and respect." The good reverend said to the oil painting of Jesus in his office. "Jesus, hear my prayers. I need this jet so I can do things that glorify You."

The jet might seem extravagant to the rest of the world that has never flown on a private jet, but to a rich man, and a blessed man, the jet is necessary for all the private missions he makes to undeveloped countries that don't have airports.

This is a spoof story. Read at your own risk. Please leave a comment.