NFL Takes Lead in Hiring Seniors

New York, NY--The NFL is leading by example when it comes to hiring practices. They were one of the first industries to fine owners for not interviewing minorities, and now they are hiring senior citizens to officiate their football games.

"We want the best experience for our fans, so we hired officials that can't keep up with the young athletes, and that means the officials are out of position to make the calls they make, but all the positive PR from hiring seniors will make us the envy of all other industries,"

Don't worry if your favorite team loses because a geriatric official couldn't see the play because his or her bifocals fogged up. The NFL is okay with grey areas that leave fans talking about how bad the officiating is because at least they are still talking about a game that is losing a fan base.

NFL Bans Tackling Quarterback

New York, NY--The NFL is ruling that is it is now illegal to tackle the quarterback.

"There seems to be a misunderstanding of what a tackle is because of Clay Mathews tackling Kirk Cousins. Mathews tackled the quarterback in a way that looked like it was a textbook form of what a tackle is, but isn't allowed when it comes to the expensive quarterbacks," an NFL official told reporters.

The NFL plans to send out tapes to teams to pointing out what is acceptable when it comes to tackling an expensive quarterback.

It isn't true that the NFL plans on eliminating tackling the quarterback. It is just that the common fan doesn't understand the NFL Laws of Physics.

"We can't afford to have franchise quarterbacks getting hurt because we all know that in the NFL the backup quarterback isn't worth the price of admission." an NFL representative told this fine blog.