New York, NY--The NFL ruled today that all players will stand for the national anthem unless they get a doctors excuse.
The owners feel that is their right to do so because they feel they need to show the players whose in charge. They can't afford the embarrassment of free speech getting in the way of a poorly refereed game and an overpaid commissioner fumbling every public appearance he makes.
"We feel it is important to show respect. It isn't like these players will even remember this in ten years," an NFL spokesman told reporters.
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
Monday, May 21, 2018
Sorry We Missed the Royal Wedding
Dear Reader:
This site would like to offer a sincere apology for not covering the royal wedding. Our editors would like to remind you that there are more important events occurring in our country and around the world that require our attention.
We do not want to downplay the importance of a Hollywood actress getting married for the second time to a man that will never be king. It is important that we take their vows with all seriousness. Yes, every rival media outlet wanted to make sure you had the opportunity to waste your day by watching a wedding ceremony.
The mainstream media didn't want to distract you with news about another school shooting. They wanted to take a Saturday off and pay tribute to an antiquated system of government that is about as relevant and important as a sloth scratching its belly on live tv.
We don't regret our choices, but we do wish you a fond day.
Thank you!
Editorial Staff of The Daily Town Fool
This site would like to offer a sincere apology for not covering the royal wedding. Our editors would like to remind you that there are more important events occurring in our country and around the world that require our attention.
We do not want to downplay the importance of a Hollywood actress getting married for the second time to a man that will never be king. It is important that we take their vows with all seriousness. Yes, every rival media outlet wanted to make sure you had the opportunity to waste your day by watching a wedding ceremony.
The mainstream media didn't want to distract you with news about another school shooting. They wanted to take a Saturday off and pay tribute to an antiquated system of government that is about as relevant and important as a sloth scratching its belly on live tv.
We don't regret our choices, but we do wish you a fond day.
Thank you!
Editorial Staff of The Daily Town Fool
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