The NFL

 The NFL is a dictatorship where owners picked a stooge that enforces rules that make no

sense. A player or coach calls out the officials for blowing the call and they get fined by the stooge in a three-piece suit. Clay Mathews is the latest player to get fined for telling the truth and that truth is that the officials make too many bad calls in games and there is no way to change the bad call.

The officiating in the NFL has always been on the borderline of amateurish and useless. This year the media seems to be gun-ho on promoting news stories that highlight the horrible officiating. The stories are years in the making.

It was just last year that the NFL decided it was going to enforce the roughing the quarterback rule that it didn't enforce in past years because too many quarterbacks were getting hurt. That went over so well that after a few games last year that they stopped calling it and it got to the point that at the end of the season it seemed like nothing was being called when it came to roughing the quarterback.

This year's gaffe is the desire to replay pass interference. The idea seems like the right thing to do because it is an important part of the game. The receiver pushes off and makes a great catch or a defender interferes and the official doesn't make the call, well, good news for everyone because the play can be replayed and the error corrected. Too bad that isn't the case, not even close. This year's games are full of examples of textbook pass interference that don't get overturned.

The hope with replaying pass interference is to avoid the blunder from last year's NFC's championship game that had a play that looked like pass interference but it was never called, so the NFL did what it is always done and that is it changed the rules to avoid the public relations nightmare that comes from hiring bumbling officials that can't keep up with the speed of the game.

The game is so fast and there are so many no calls or games where the refs only seem to make calls when a team is close to scoring. The Cowboys got walked down the field last weekend with the aid of the officials, but when the defensive player tackled Jason Witten before the ball was thrown on the two-point conversion attempt, well, the hankies didn't fly.

Whatever you do, please, don't question the poor officiating because the NFL won't do anything to change it. The fact is they don't care if their product is questionable and becoming a waste of time because they continue to hire officials fresh from the local senior center in town. Sure, it is age discrimination to say the officials are too old to be on the field, but the players move so fast that it is wrong to put officials on the field that can't run. These older officials should be in the booth offering assistance from up above to avoid some of these bad calls being made by old officials not being in a position to make the correct call.

It is unrealistic to get rid of all the bad calls, but at this pace, the game will look more like a professional wrestling match than an NFL game. 

But don't speak ill of the NFL because it is going to cost you a little bit of money. The truth is never free when it comes to the NFL.

The Hate You Give

 The literary world is a fantasy land filled with egotistical writers and elitist thoughts. It appears these enlighten minds are bulling a young woman to the point that she got rid of her Twitter and Facebook account because of all the hateful comments she was receiving. 

The days of reading classics in college and pushing yourself are now over because of the cultural psychology of the pampered babies that rule the world of college academics think you should read simple books written by simple authors. A young adult novel shouldn't be required reading on any college list because a college student should be reading more advanced novels. 

The educational system is going backward and this is the latest example. Poor Sarah Dessen can't take a little criticism, even when it is taken out of context. Apparently, she feels that a college student should dumb themselves down to read her books because it involves a cliche of a girl suffering. Students should be reading her books in high school or grade school and not in college. 

But thanks to the liberal bully movement, Dessen can unleash the Moral PC Police that hasn't got past the kindergarten way of participation awards and hasn't found the ability to do any critical thinking because they went psycho over the simple quote.  

Our educational system pushes the idea of free speech, but as soon as someone's feelings get hurt, well, people freak out and babble incoherently. As adults, which most college students claim to be, they should already be socially aware and be able to accept opposing thoughts. 

The sad part of this story is that the best selling author can use a platform to whine and unleash so much hate and feel justified in it because her feelings were hurt. It just boils down to the fact she wants to sell more books, or she would make it free for these college students that are being denied the greatest literary mind of the 21st Century. 

"Authors are real people," Sarah Dessen is quoted saying. Real people know that her response to the quote seems strange considering it was a committee of people that voted on the books and that in a democracy people get involved because they feel passionate about things they believe in and want to see things get done. 

What will be on next year's reading list? I suggest "Llama, Llama and the Bully Goat" for the list. If you are going to make college freshmen read children's books, well, why not make it a picture book too. 

I Work for Peanuts

 Circuslife, SW--Elephants are getting sick of working for peanuts. They are looking for the bigger pie in the sky, so to say. They are looking for pistachios and maybe a some good leafy greens to eat.

This heated labor dispute spelt the end of elephants in the circus and probably lead to one of the most notorious abuses of labor on the workforce.

It seems the demands of these elephants is just too much for Ringling Brothers Circus, so they plan on eliminating them from their show.

"It saddens us to say that theses elephants will no longer be part of  our show. There is a great tradition of elephants being part of the circus that dates back to the inception of the circus, but it is a new millennium and the elephants really are just a limited act that bores the new generation of children hoping for more entertainment.  An elephant walking around in a circle just isn't entertaining these days," a spokesman for the circus told reporters.

The elephants did not care to make a statement at this time. They were too busy working on their resumes and filling out applications to get their GEDs.

Video of Fauci's Lawyers Prepping Him for Congress

 

Cats Find Out Little Mouse Mocks Them on Social Media

 

Mr. Mouse is taking to social media to bash the two domesticated cats in this photograph. He claims the cats are weak and lazy. The domesticated cats were confused with the little rodent and let it get away. Both cats claim that they will never make that mistake again and are waiting at the top of the stairs for the mouse. 

Cat Misses Mouse

 Local cat, Bandit, misses the mouse she was just playing with. The mouse who soon went missing after playing with the cat could not be reached for comment. Locals believe the cat might have something to do with the missing mouse. 

Not Your Average Cat Lady

This beautiful and funny professional single woman seeks a partner who likes reading by the fire, making me breakfast, long walks in the country, and is grateful for my quick wit. You must have a crush on Jason Momoa, know how to fix things, drive a boat, carry on a conversation, like introverts, and be corrected when you do something wrong.

I do ask that you be the second generation to walk upright, so NO TRUMPERS.

I'm not looking for a man who gets seasick or thinks the government controls the weather.

You should also know how to use a broom and dustpan. If you can’t clean a toilet, swipe left. If you like being on time, swipe left. If you like Seinfeld, please swipe left. If you like to travel, swipe right and we will talk.

Kimmel and Rodgers

 

Charissa Thompson Knows Where Hoffa Is

 Charissa Thompson claims that she knows where Hoffa is buried. She said her reliable source Charissa Thompson learned about Hoffa's location while she was doing her sideline duties early in her career. She is finally going public with it because she wants to be taken seriously as a reporter and not a social media influencer. 

Plagiarize, Who Me?

 

South Park to Redo Trapped in the Closet

South Park announced that it will be adding an extra character in "Trapped in the Closet" on this season's DVD boxset.  They want to make sure it includes Will Smith because of the inspiration they received from the 94th Academy Awards.  

Clay Matthews Pulls Hamstring Grumbling About Packers

Clay Matthews pulled a hamstring while trying to make a tweet about the #Packers giving his old number to a rookie.

"I played like a legend for Green Bay, sure, I wasn't very productive my last two years in Green Bay, but still, I deserve better treatment from a team that I no longer work for," Matthews told reporters.

What, Me Walk

Scott Walker Using Unused Vacation Days

Madison, WI--Scott Walker is using some unused vacation days before his term ends. It came to his knowledge that he still had vacation days to use.

"Despite all the hype and hysteria of me working until the end of my term, these vacations do nothing to fundamentally change my previous statements." Scott Walker told reporters.

Scott Walker worked tirelessly for the taxpayers for Wisconsin by saving them about $50 on their property tax bills, and that is about it.

"My criteria when evaluating vacation days was simple: Do they improve my health? Do they increase my productivity? Do they affirm my stability? And do they protect taxpayers? The answer is yes." Governor Walker told reporters.

Retired Detective Colborn Sues to Get Truth

Manitowoc, WI--Detective Colbron, salt of the earth, is suing to get his name cleared.

Colborn's lawyer, Michael Griesbach, said of Colborn, "His reputation and that of Manitowoc County, itself, has been severely and unjustly defamed. He is filing this lawsuit to set the record straight and to restore his good name."

It is clear that this lawsuit will make everyone think twice about Colborn and realize what a great guy he is and not the clown portrayed in the documentary. Sure, he did nothing when it came to Steven Avery sitting in jail the first time and he maybe forgot to file paperwork on the phone call from Brown County. But his character really took a hit when the documentary showed him answering questions about the license plate.

Don't forget Colborn's Oscar-worthy performance when finding the key that had only Steven Avery's DNA on it. Oh, that man fought the great beast of a nightstand, while his adult supervision was playing with himself on the bed, and produced a key that was hiding behind the nightstand and was only discovered by great police work and six searches of the trailer.

But the gun and the bullet that proved Avery did it, according to Colborn. The bullet came from the gun, but there is no proof Avery fired the gun. There is that bullet with DNA but no blood in the garage. There is deer blood but no human blood, except on the bullet hiding in the shadows of the garage.

A good detective would question Hallbach's boyfriend, the ex-boyfriend, and brother about the missing messages. But they knew they had their man when Avery became the only suspect.

"I just want my name cleared," Colborn said.

Great Scott Using Venn Diagram

Green Bay, WI--Scott Walker relied on a Venn diagram to make his point that the bill he signed is what the voters of Wisconsin asked for four years ago, he was just too busy running for president in 2016 to get around to it until now. , 

"I'm going to work for the state until my term is up. Sure, if I would of become president in 2016 that would be a different story, but I'm not bitter." Scott Walker told his supporters.

Nobody loves smaller government more than a bunch of career politicians mooching off the taxpayers of Wisconsin because they sure seem worried about a job agency that has a record of being a phony and waste of taxpayer dollars, so they are doing everything in their power to make sure more taxpayer money is wasted on companies not creating jobs.

"In the year 2043, the state will see a great return on the money we handed out to Foxconn and people will thank me for having the courage to make sure small government subsidies big business. Can I get a big 'Thank You' from the crowd?" Scott Walker so elegantly spoke into his microphone.

The crowd just rose to their feet after hearing the pure political speak from the man they thought might become president. Old men wept, young men wept, but no women wept because of Republican rules barring women from attending the meeting.

In an orchestrated career politician moment, Scott Walker signed the Venn diagram and threw it into the crowd.

"Man, he knows how to go out in style," Scott Walker muttered to himself.

Scott Walker Lectures Sons on Power Grab

Madison, WI--Scott Walker just can't turn off the political speak as he lectured his son on the beauty of the power grab.

"When you lose, sons, go out swinging. Take everything you can and make it harder for the next guy. That is the right thing to do," Scott Walker told his sons.

The lecture came after his son questioned the ethics of his father's decision to back the power grab.

"Gee, shucks, dad, didn't you tell us to be gracious and Christlike when it comes to our actions? What is up with you doing the opposite?" Alex Walker asked his dad.

Governor Walker continued to explain to his sons the reasons for doing it and how it will help him when he runs for governor is 2022.

"Evers doesn't stand a chance and now I positioned myself so I can run a campaign in 2022 that promises to restore the powers I stripped away from the governor and attorney general."

At press time, Walker's sons had left the room but he was still lecturing on all the reasons for being in favor of the power grab.

Trump Met With Yogurt

Washington--Donald Trump met with Yogurt to see if the two could come up with a way to market more 45 merchandise. President Trump is trying to come with new ways to make more money selling goods that have 45 on them because of his rising lawyer fees.

"I feel the meeting was very productive," Trump told reporters.

There were whispers that Trump might ask Yogurt to replace John Kelly as White House Chief of Staff, but Trump would not comment on any questions dealing with the soon to be vacant position. He just kept saying he thought 'Yogurt is a great man' and rushed away.

Yogurt is considered a marketing genius and Trump looks like he is reaching for anything that could help him sell more items.

Scott Walker Uses Man-Child As Human Shield

Madison, WI--Scott Walker tried to use a human shield to protect himself from the criticism for playing politics with the laws of Wisconsin.

"It is shocking that a man that is known for his integrity and goodwill would use a man-child as a human shield," Paul Fitzgerald a retired government employee told reporters gathering in the capital rotunda.

Scott Walker got heckled as he helped flip the switch to the state Christmas tree.

But unlike years ago when Governor Walker got heckled, he grabbed a man-child and tried to use him as a human shield.

"You brutes," Scott Walker yelled at the protestors, as he held the man-child up with the hopes the protestors would stop. He failed to realize the man-child was Robin Vos, so the crowd only grew more vociferous.

The governor did eventually slip down a secret passageway and took to Twitter to complain about all the heckling.

"I hope you protestors get coal in your socks this Christmas." Walker tweeted. "I'm just doing what I said I would do eight years ago."

Wisconsin Republicans Just Realized Governor Has Too Much Power

Madison, WI--Republicans in the state legislature just realized the governor has too much power. It only took them ten years to get to work and change it. The move has nothing to do with the perceived fear of a Democrat shrinking government by getting rid of a department that isn't needed.

State Assembly Leader Robin Vos said, "We have allowed far too much authority to flow to the executive. To you, this is all about politics. To me, it's about the institution."

The institution sounds like a nice catchphrase for a place were people panic and do things that are borderline unethical.