Great Scott Takes Money in the Dark

Honestpolitician, WI...Governor Scott Walker likes to take political contributions in the dark. He prefers not to see the large amounts of money, sometimes illegal money because that way he can feel good about the money he accepts.

The part-time governor of Wisconsin is quick to point out that he was an Eagle Scout and that his father was a pastor, so he must be a good guy when it comes to being a politician.

“I lean on the values my father taught me, you know those skills he learned as a pastor. That main skill is lean on the poor because they are the most willing to give up their money.” The governor told a group of supporters.

It isn’t clear if Scott Walker knows that just because he can’t see the money that the dirty money isn’t his problem since he accepted it. Maybe that is a soft skill Scott Walker didn’t learn because he never had to work in the real world.

Greedy Elephants Sick of Working for Peanuts

Circuslife, SW--Elephants are getting sick of working for peanuts. They are looking for the bigger pie in the sky, so to say. They are looking for pistachios and maybe a some good leafy greens to eat.

This heated labor dispute spelt the end of elephants in the circus and probably lead to one of the most notorious abuses of labor on the workforce.

It seems the demands of these elephants is just too much for Ringling Brothers Circus, so they plan on eliminating them from their show.

"It saddens us to say that theses elephants will no longer be part of  our show. There is a great tradition of elephants being part of the circus that dates back to the inception of the circus, but it is a new millennium and the elephants really are just a limited act that bores the new generation of children hoping for more entertainment.  An elephant walking around in a circle just isn't entertaining these days," a spokesman for the circus told reporters.

The elephants did not care to make a statement at this time. They were too busy working on their resumes and filling out applications to get their GEDs.

Great Scott--Teachers Are Not Good People

CareerPolitician, USA--Scott Walker likes to brag about taking on the evil teachers' union, because after five years in office, well, that is really the only thing he can put on his resume.

Remember the state of Wisconsin is in the hole when it comes the budget. He fixed it alright, or he fixed it long enough to get reelected. Now he is only doing what he needs to do when it comes to making himself look presidential, and that is answer questions by inserting the fact the Republican majority in Wisconsin took away rights of their citizens.

How Scott Walker answers the tough questions:

How do you plan on taking care of Washington's political problems? I will take care of them like I took care of the teachers' union.

What are you going to do about the trouble in the Middle East? I will take care of them like I took care of the teachers' union.

What are you going to do about the shrinking middle class in the United States? I will take care of them like I took care of the teachers' union.

What are you going to all these people that use facts to get through life? I will take care of them like I took care of the teachers' union.

It is clear that Scott Walker isn't doing so well when it comes to asking questions. He isn't used to having to answer question from reporters. He still has time to come up with original answers for all the other questions, but right now he is struggling with the simple stuff, so hopefully things go better for him in the future.

Great Scott--My Mission Statement

Madison, WI--Scott Walker thought no one would notice his little changes to the mission statement the University of Wisconsin. He thought it was time to make it match his outlook on education.

Here is what the governor changed the mission statement to: "Education hinders and hard work doesn't pay, become a career politician and mooch off the government."

Due to the lack of the governor's education, bigger words were not used in the mission statement.