Citizens of Sheboygan County Can't Wait for Another Kohler Golf Course

Taking Your Land, WI--The citizens of Sheboygan county can't wait for another golf course from the Kohler company. They are so excited that their once beautiful woods and part of their state park will soon become a minimalist golf course that they probably won't ever get to use.

"I love it when public lands are snatched up by the elected officials of the city of Asshole, WI, I mean, Sheboygan, WI and turned over to private enterprise for the use of another golf course," an angry citizen of Sheboygan County told reporters.

Not everyone in Sheboygan County is happy that Kohler wants to disrupt Indian burial lands, build in wetlands, and disrupt a state park for his newest golf course. They are protesting this new golf course till they have exhausted every legal option.

It seems that Herbert Kohler Jr. is planning on building his newest golf course in a corner of Sheboygan County that offers breathtaking views of Lake Michigan and with the promise it will create lots of seasonal jobs for the area.

"I can't wait to be camping at my favorite campground and have to deal with even more Illinois traffic. I know that the jobs will be good and the golf course will be beautiful, but it will be sad to see this little piece of history wiped off the face of the earth for something that only really benefits Herbert Kohler Jr.," an unnamed camper at Kohler-Andrea State Park told reports.

The new golf course does promise jobs. The new golf course will bring more tax revenue to a struggling community that is hurting to get visitors and pay its bills.

"Sheboygan County will be a prime golfing destination. "Come for the Golf, But Please Don't Visit Our City" will be the new slogan.

The city of Sheboygan really doesn't have much to offer when it comes to expensive dining and nightlife. The city does offer a boardwalk along the river, some excellent smaller dinners, and a lot of small-town charm.  But with the new golf course comes that hopes of every elected official that the latest and greatest will be good for the community.

It isn't clear if the new golf course will be built because the Town of Wilson is suing the city of Sheboygan, and it looks like this issue will be settled in the courts.

NFL Puts Best Officials on Duty Sunday Night

Blindtown, NY--The NFL made sure they put the most professional officials in charge of a primetime game on Sunday night.

"We at the NFL put only the best product on the field. We never settle for less." The NFL office released in a press statement.

There is a lot of pressure on old men to keep up with the modern day athlete where even the fastest NFL lineman runs a 4.55-second 40-yard dash, while the fastest NFL official runs an 8.2-second 40-yard dash.

NFL officials also face the pressure of trying to figure out one yard when it comes to pick plays that might decide if a team scores or doesn't score. "The line of scrimmage moves when the offensive lineman move, or so it appears, so it is like really hard for some of us older guys to adjust and make the right call," an unnamed official told reporters gathered outside the Mercedes-Benz Stadium.

Another official from the Packers vs. Falcon game was caught on camera mistaking a statue of a Mercedes-Benz for a taxi.

The NFL is also quiet about the Wonderlic scores of their officials. They denied rumors that the average Wonderlic score of an NFL official is nine.

The low Wonderlic score might explain why a crew of NFL would miss a clear helmet-to-helmet hit or have a hard time explaining why they threw flags when there weren't any clear penalties.