Glendale, Ariz.—New England Patriots find ways to win, sometimes they cheat, sometimes they cheat and get away with it, and sometimes they play games against inferior opponents. On Sunday night the New England Patriots played the Arizona Cardinals and managed to eke out a victory. The Patriots did it without Tom Brady, and their starting quarterback was Jimmy Garoppolo.
“I was worried when I saw Jimmy Garoppolo take the field, and he nearly tripped over the chains on the sideline and then followed that up by going under guard and not under center. But the guy is a legend in the making. Next season he will be signing a large contract. The man is undefeated.” A drunk New England Patriots’ fan told reporters.
There are even rumors that the New England might trade Tom Brady because they are riding on the euphoria of winning a game without their star quarterback. Just remember you heard it first on this blog. Tom Brady will be traded to the Cleveland Browns if Jimmy ‘Alastor’ Garoppolo keeps winning.
It is hard to believe that a Cardinals team that played so well last year could lose to the New England team this year. Last year the Cardinals were so good that losing wasn’t something they did a lot of, and they played like a well-coached team. This year they played like the Cardinals team of the 1990s. They found almost every way to lose, and yet the vast majority of football fans seem shocked that last year’s teams didn’t show up for the game on Sunday because the reality is last year’s Cardinals team finished with a mighty blow to their ego because they lost in the Championship game and haven’t seemed to recover.
A crazy thing happened in week one, Jack Del Rio went for two and for the victory. He had about a 50 percent chance of it working. He was crazy and took the chance and won.
Tuesday Morning Right Guard has inside information that Jack Del Rio had to use the bathroom and didn’t have the bladder strength to wait for overtime to end.
The Minnesota Vikings were saved by their defense. Shaun Hill chalked up his 17 victory as a starting quarterback. He looked more like a starting pitcher who loaded the bases with no outs and had the middle relievers come in and save the game. Yes, that is what Minnesota’s defense did on Sunday. They stepped up and scored two touchdowns in the second half. Had it not been for the heroics of the defense, well, the Vikings would be 0-1 after week one.
Awards
Best Offensive Player: Alex Smith
Best Defensive Player: This goes to the Minnesota Vikings defense as a whole.
